good taste

You guys.

Have you seen this quote?

Go ahead. It's long. I'll wait.

I've seen it pop up here and there lately. And I love it.

It's hugely encouraging... Much of the work I do feels a little disappointing to me. At the beginning of the year, I took inventory of the things that were life-giving to me: the things that, in a very real and basic way, are what God has wired me to do. And I've been at least a little bit intentional in making more space in my crazy life to actually do those things. But when I look at the finished product, it never quite lives up to what I'd envisioned. 

And then I am tempted to quit sometimes. I mean, not quit quit- because I really like  feeling alive and living from who I was made to be, so I always come back... eventually. But I frequently find myself kind of moving away from the creative and distracting myself in all the details of keeping my life and my home moving. I can always find somewhere to put my attention... my to-do list is months long. 

For me, this idea, the need to push through the work until reality matches the vision, is just the excuse I've been looking for to just go ahead and do my thing, even when I don't love what comes of it. Because maybe it'll get there. (Ohmygoodness, is that quote the longest possible way to say "practice makes perfect"? Maybe. Don't care. Still love it.) So I'm going to write more. Shoot more. Sing more. 

And yeah, maybe it'll stay kinda... meh. Maybe I'll always be frustrated by the difference between what I made and what I wanted to make. Maybe the words won't always come out as well as I wanted and the pictures will still fall far short of capturing the glory I was hoping for. Maybe the high notes are always going to be out of range. None of that's fully within my control. Not all small things become big things. (...to shamelessly rip off Emily Freeman. Again.) This is fine. But it will always be mediocre if I don't go ahead and do it. And while I'm putting in the time, waiting to see if I'm ever actually happy with what it is I'm making, I get to do the stuff I love. 

As I write this, it occurs to me that I worship God in my creativity. The God who created me made me in His image, which includes, among other things... wait for it... creativity. In living that out, I agree with him that the ways He created me to reflect Him are good and right. Offering that back is an act of worship. And it's the creating itself that reflects Him. Not necessarily what comes of it. Do I want to do lousy work? No. But is my best a good offering to him? Absolutely. 

This makes me think of my girls. (Like usual.) They're only 17 months apart, both preschool. So they're each learning to draw, and the developmental difference that 17 months makes is pretty clear. I can see my oldest concentrating hard on drawing whatever she's drawing. She's focusing on doing it "just perfect." But I honestly don't value her attempts at perfect any more or any less than the picture that her little sister colored "all rainbowy." I can see them getting better, even when they can't. And the thing that's valuable to me is the effort they are clearly putting into creating, and the joy I see in them as they do.

So maybe it doesn't matter if I'm a little frustrated at the scribbles I make. I'll keep trying and I'll keep improving. Only God knows whether my drawing of a dog will ever look like an actual dog I have in my mind. That's not really my concern right now. The thing that's mine to do right now is simply busting out the crayons and printer paper.

So how about you? Are there areas of creativity that you dabble in, but kind of distance yourself from? Is your desire for perfection and inability to attain it keeping you from being the creative that you were made to be? Please don't let it. We need your gifts. The world isn't the same without them. 

Here's to good taste and good-enough art. 

She's writing again...

So... Let me just preface this: 

I have no intention of making this a good, polished, life-changing post. 

I just set my timer for 10 minutes and we'll see what comes out. Edit later. Publish. Share? We'll see.

This year on vacation with my family was goal-setting time once again. I made a point of spending some time thinking about it most days. For a lot of days, I had nothing. Just a lot of swirling ideas and good intentions. No "one word" coming up, no overarching direction. Then, toward the end of it, something clicked. 

First. 

My time with Jesus has been comfortable, but not especially... vibrant, I guess. It happens pretty much every day, but it feel like what a lot of marriage writers talk about as "drift." I read His words for a few minutes, then talk to Him for a few. I thank Him for a bunch of things, pray for my babies, my husband, sleep... frequently a lot of other things, but always those things... and then I go on with my day. It's kind of rote.

It's time to get back to my first love. 

Seeking first the kingdom of God.

So my word for the year is first. 

First in chronological order, first in importance.

I frequently find myself having conversations (at least in my head) with friends about things that I'm doing or processing. Or things they're dealing with. Sometimes, I'll even tell them what I'm "praying for" without actually doing said praying. What?!? It's not on purpose, just sort of... happens. (If you're one of those friends I've said those words to, I'm sorry. I promise I do actually pray for you, but sometimes it takes a little longer to remember that's what I'm supposed to be doing.) So my commitment here is to stop myself when I'm about to text a friend (or, again, more often when I'm composing said text in my head) and actually... I don't know... talk to God about it? Writing that, it seems pretty basic. But that's where I am right now, and it's time to make some steps back to where I want to be. That seems like the first one. (First! Get it? Haha!)

With that clear, a whole lot of other little things began to settle in my head.

The conversation I'd been having with Jesus suddenly became a lot less confusing. The things that were important came to the surface (complete with reasons and mini-goals!) while the rest just kind of... fell out of my head. I sort of wonder if this is just example number one of the way "first" works. 

...and all these things will be added unto you.

If you're curious, here are the other areas that I'm working toward this year:

Writing clears my head. Makes me feel... real? visible? like I've done something relatively permanent? It's a way to encourage people using words I can think through thoroughly during a season when both other people and coherent thoughts are otherwise a little scarce.

Photography increases my appreciation for beauty and preserves some pieces of beauty from my little corner of the world. (Like this picture. I was at a lavender farm on Maui, and was absolutely transfixed by water. On grass.)

Singing is good for my soul. I was blessed with a chance to help lead worship this fall for the first time since I had kids, and it was amazing. I can't quite put into words how vibrantly alive I feel when I sing, but I have no question that it's part of the way God made me, and my whole being resonates when I live within His purposes for me, so I will be doing more of that. I can't wait another four years.

Exercise improves my mood and energy. It burns off stress and makes me feel strong. My body's been good to me, and I'd like to keep showing it love. Also? I'm way more fun to be around when I've exercised recently. Just ask my husband. Or don't. 

Connecting with others needs to happen in an intentional way. My world feels like it's gotten very small in the last four years. It's time to come out from my cozy little baby world and invest in some women around me.

Organized environment saves my energy for more important things and preserves my sense of calm. I fairly recently became acquainted with the concept of the "highly sensitive person," which has given me permission and ideas to work with a part of my personality that I've fought against for a long time. This is part of that.

"Quiet" is kind of a catch-all, but I dearly want to be able to take my thoughts captive and calm my busy mind. (This had a wildly diverse set of action steps which included, among other things, eating mindfully, a few minutes of quiet meditation per day, deleting facebook from my phone, and going outside regularly. It's all related, at least inside my noisy head.)

So why am I telling you all of this?

Pretty simple. Falls under "writing." I promised me I'd try hard to make time to post a couple times a month, so here I am, showing up. (And the writing of it actually took me ten minutes on two different days. Because I'm sure that matters.) 

Thanks for joining me here! Any thoughts? Do you have a focus this year? Things you want to bring into your life in a more intentional way? I'd love to hear them.