blessing for insult

So I need to start out by saying I'm totally embarrassed to share this... I'm going to look kind of like an immature brat a few paragraphs from now. But... it's been something I've been specifically convicted to share since the beginning of this process (when I was being an immature brat, but before I realized it), so out of obedience, I shall.

(Because real blogs have photos, and I like this one. Oh! Wait! Pussy willows mean springtime here and springtime is all about new growth! This blog is about growth! It totally goes. See? Plus maybe if I stall you with a random picture, you'll miss the bratty part.) 

Last week, I mentioned that we recently got help out at Family Life's marriage conference. Part of the the volunteering gig includes actually going to the conference, and it's fabulous. Also, the material is more or less the same as it's been since I first went in 2004, and actually basically the same as it was when my parents first went in 1978. It's solid, biblical stuff, and I come away with new insights every time (because that's how the Bible is), but also, I've heard it a number of times, so occasionally I check out just a little. But every year, there are a couple of points that seem distinctly for me and for now. 

Last year, the big take-home was "blessing for insult." 

1 Peter 3:8-9 says:
8 Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. 9 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult.On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 

The idea as applied to marriage is that God's plan for communication includes paying back an insult with a blessing. (Actually, that's fair to apply to communication anywhere, but this was a marriage conference, so...) If my husband says something mean to me, I can choose to be kind in return.

So that was my big idea from 2014. 

Which I pretty much instantly forgot.

But God is patient and reminded me again. So we circle around again in 2015. 

Determined not to let it slide this year, I started kicking it around a bit and have continued to do so for the last two weeks. And you know what my thought was?

My husband almost never insults me. 

Now, he's not perfect. But he's a kind man and it's pretty rare that he spits out something that could be considered an insult, even when he's angry.
However... I happen to have a special ability to read insult into almost anything he says. It's a gift, really. Except the crappiest gift ever. 

So as I'm pondering this idea of returning a blessing for an insult, I started to wonder what I'm supposed to do with the fact that like 95% of the insults I hear from him aren't really insults. They're just him talking, and me being weird about it. Really. (Don't you wish you lived with me?) So I hear myself asking (I warned you that bratty was coming)... So... if he's not really insulting me, but I feel insulted, is blessing really the best way to go? I mean, if I bless him when he pseudo-insults me, he won't catch that I'm returning blessing for insult, he'll just assume that's the response he earned (after all, he wasn't being mean) and carry on his merry way. Sounds like a good way to encourage behavior that, while not malevolent, isn't very considerate. I mean, he's coming off really rude to ME! Plus, won't that build resentment in me, if I just keep being nice and he keeps being [sort-of-not-really] mean? 

Seriously, y'all. It was like a week and a half I was having this huge conundrum. Are you annoyed? Because I totally am. Here's the [completely obvious] truth that finally hit me:

Who the heck cares?

It's not my job to figure out at that moment whether or not he was trying to insult me. And anyway, how backwards is it to withhold kindness if he isn't?!? (...If it's not legitimate "evil," I apparently don't need to return blessing? Mmkay.)

So here we are. My huge, genius, lightening-bolt idea from Weekend To Remember 2015, just like 2014:

Blessing for insult. 

And we're counting anything that feels like an insult.

Now I'm not saying I'm going to be good at it. (Hon, are you reading this? No promises this is going to be as great as it sounds!) I am the girl who forgot for a whole year. And what, exactly, does blessing look like in this case? I have no idea, honestly. But I'm committed to doing my best. Every single time I remember. And because depending on my memory basically guarantees failure (see: 2014), I asked for a some backup from the Holy Spirit... Because He's all over this kind of thing.